After my first couple of posts on our blog, I was talking to my best friend, describing my surprise at the reaction that some people had. “People have said that I am a different, more open person in this writing, but I have always felt like an open book.” My friend responded, “I have known you since middle school, and I am getting to know you in a completely different way than ever before… You play your cards close to your chest. You tend to be a pretty stoic person.”
My best friend, the person who knows the best and worst things about me and is not afraid to be the mirror that I need to look into, pointed out a truth that I had no clue existed, and I realized that while I have thoughts and feelings that are constantly roaming around in my mind, I don’t often (or often enough?) express most of what I am thinking out loud. But every time that I do talk or write about them, I understand them and myself in a whole other, better way. If I am willing to take the risk to express them.
Luckily I was able to find a balance that made me feel comfortable enough, but it was truly a growth experience. The whole time I just kept thinking, “If you are uncomfortable, you are out of your comfort zone. If you are out of your comfort zone, you are growing. This is a good thing.” And it was.
While I did not plan ahead of time which objects I would write on for each of the days, I did decide to let myself feel it out each day. To see what I felt like I had something to write about and then go for it.
But I also realized how much happier I am when I write – pen and paper (or daybook) – the first draft. I am much more comfortable if I can then type out the second draft, revising along the way, and then possibly revise some more after walking away from it for a little while. With the constrained aspect of this writing and with a, son, husband, job, and other things that deserve attention; I was not always able to go through this whole process, but the lack of those steps was also part of the growth process.
I am not sure I have a real answer to any of these questions, but if I were to guess, I would say that it is all writing. We write in our minds constantly, and a little of it gets on to paper from time to time.
My reflection in pictures: