Kitchen Countertop

Characters and players


Salt shaker 
Pepper grinder

Large, brushed metal container

Medium, brushed metal container

Small, brushed metal container

Cobalt blue apron hanging next to counter

Box containing Elliott’s birthday present from Aunt Bev

Children’s Claritin box

Kurt Vonnegut biography

DMV registration reminder

Anthropology catalogue

Late one Tuesday afternoon.  Early spring.  Windows open upstairs but not downstairs.  Close to the end of the workday.

DMV registration reminder:  (filled with anxiety) I’ve been here for a week.  A week?!  They know I am here; they know what to do with me.  Is it really that complicated?!

Children’s Claritin: (only slightly annoyed) Relax, Reggie.  It’s not like you are forgotten or, worse, thrown away like most of the other stuff that has been here.

Kurt biography:  Yes.  They have laid you out with care and respect.  I feel that is quite clear.  It is only a matter of time.

Registration:  (obviously offended)  With care?!  She spent more time thumbing through that new catalogue than she did reading me!  She laid that piece of garbage out with as much care as she did me.

Anthropology catalogue:  (joking sarcasm)  Hello?  I am right here?  I can here you talking about me.

Biography:  Don’t feel poorly, Catie.  She received me as a Christmas gift and has only taken the time to flip through me.  She may, eventually, end up giving you more attention than me.

Box containing Elliott’s present:  Hi.  Hello, I’m Package.  I don’t think I have had the pleasure of meeting everyone, but I was wondering something.  You see, I apparently have presents for some kid’s 5^th birthday, and I was wondering when that may be.  And also, do you know if there will be a party?  And if so, do you think I will be given then or may it be before or…

Large container: (interrupting with a grumpy tone) Dag nab it!  For crying out loud!  None of us care about you, ya cardboard crate.  Some of us have jobs to do!  I need to be well rested if I am going to be ready bright and early when it is breakfast time.  I mean, I do hold…

Small and medium containers, salt and pepper, and Claritin in unison:  (mocking in a loving manner)  “Their favorite cereal.  We know.”

Large Connie:  Just because some of us are to be of use…  Nothing but spiteful discrimination… (trailing off)

Salt:  Whatever!  We are all of use.  I mean, some days, I am of use at every meal.  Talk about needing rest! 

Pepper:  (deep, sexy voice)  You do work hard, baby.  Everyday.  Some stuff just don’t understand.

Blue apron:  (wining, but only slightly) I’m not sure she even remembers I am here.  Some days I wonder if I am really here.  She walks past me… puts stuff on the counter… in the trashcan… Doesn’t even give me a glimpse! 

Biography:  I wouldn’t feel bad, Colbie.  From what I’ve seen, she hardly knows the kitchen can be of use for cooking – (snickering) except maybe on a couple of holidays.

All the stuff: (laughter and giggles all around)

Large Connie:  (still laughing) Yeah, and maybe a late night snack.

(laughter building)

Biography:  One that doesn’t require anything… except maybe the microwave!

(hysterical laughter)

CURTAIN

Biography:  (whispering)  Do they expect us to bow or something of the sort?  The humiliation... (yelling)  WE ARE INANIMATE.  (whispering again) They are almost as bad as she is! 

Day 17: Pobject's kitchen countertop

She feels neglected since the kitchen island came.
She misses the slight spray of tomato seeds
dribbling off the edge of the cutting board.
She misses the soft thump of each downstroke
of the carving knife. She misses the light kiss
from a sweaty beer bottle, and the heavy lean
of a drunk party guest. It's no fun being clean
when you'd rather be corrupted.

Day 11: Lobject's kitchen countertop

Everything I Need To Know I Learned From a Kitchen Countertop

1.      Eating healthy is important but indulging is, too.

I was raised by the kitchen countertop of my youth.  It taught me apples were good afterschool snacks and, on special days, slid me a bowl of Breyers vanilla ice cream smothered with Hershey’s chocolate syrup and sprinkled with mini marshmallows. This combination still cures the worst days for me.

2.      Having goals is important but failing is ok.

The off-white linoleum politely asked me to memorize my vocabulary words, using each in an original sentence. The countertop wasn’t partial to my favorite subjects, though. Although we stayed up past bedtime to learn fractions and the multiplication tables of 6-9, it was the first test I didn’t pass. Darn 7s got me. I cried, my parents didn’t understand, and the countertop offered up ice cream.

3.      Spending time with family is important. Period.  

On Sundays my father weaved dough, flattening it into the pasta machine. I folded pasta between my fingers and the countertop hugged the noodles. I knew that was the trick. Sunday dinner was always pasta. Always. White pasta bowls with grapes displayed in the glass cabinet had a special home in my childhood kitchen. I can see them on the kitchen countertop with spoons and forks waiting for eggplant sauce and wide noodles. I see them empty, stained red on the kitchen table in front of my grandfather, father, mother, brother and me. I could stay in this memory forever.